These few days i been thinking about this question:
"Why...i have changed?"
I dunno what and how did i changed? Time changes, so do people. Yes, yes, i know that. The question is..when..why...how? For these few days (exam stress of course!) I been kept on thinking about it. Haha.. very emo suddenly.
But i have always been.
I remember, i used to have a lot of ideas (in primary school) and filled with a lot of enthusiasm during first three years in secondary school. Then i have no more extra interest that ignites me. I studied because i need to. I go to school because i have to. I play because i used to.
I can't remember when was the end of my real, real happy life; where i studied because i loved to, i go to school because i want to, and i play because i yearned for.
I remember that i really used to love to read science books. When i was in primary 3 (9 years old), i love to read science books. i will read and re-read my elder sis' science text book (she was in primary 5 on that time, 11 years old). Then i will questioned her a lot; a lot of questions. When i was finally in primary 4, i had this great, patient science teacher, who will answered all my questions. I would ask questions on standard 5 or standard 6 science subjects (because i had read my elder sis' text books). I would gave answers to all his questions on general science knowledge. He gave me a good feeling deep inside me (not that i admire him ok?!) that was really really warm when he appreciated and praised my inquisitiveness on seeking answers. Although i did not scored the highest marks on this subjects in primary 5 and 6, but i was happy because i knew a lot of things.
When i was in form 1 (secondary school), i have always wanted a lot of assignments. My elder sis called me crazy when i craved for folios. It was a brand new experience; and later i found out that i like to make myself busy. However, I'd learned two cruel statements that made me realize..the world wasn't that beautiful and naive as it seemed. After i entered form 4, i did not have the same passion to read or to learn new science-based subjects anymore.
Well, i just hope i can find back my old, real self. Really, really soon.
Sigh~~ i also dunno what i am crapping now...